april books

April started out slow for reading, but then mid-month shined down happily.  Or something like that.

I read a beta version of a book about werewolves that a friend wrote.  I very much enjoyed it, and it seemed to help push me out of my book funk, yay!  Thhheeeeeenn, I read other YA paranormal-type books.  These included:

Desert Tales by Melissa Marr - This is a companion novel to the Wicked Lovely series. It's the story of Rika, a former winter girl, and the journey of reclaiming her strength, uncovering her will to be a part of the world around her. I found the book enjoyable, but not strong in all aspects (the romance, the character development of those beyond Rika, etc). * "What she wanted was something brief, intense, real for awhile. She wanted to burn up under the wanting."

Seven Weeks to Forever by Jennifer Farwell - This is the story of Cassidy. Her first life ended before it was meant to so she's sent back with a job to complete. She has to succeed because that's her ticket to the Life-After, and she even knows the exact date that she'll return to the happy glow of that life. The catch? She has to help Riley overcome an emotional obstacle, and she wasn't expecting that to involve dating him. * I really liked this book overall. I found the writing (& editing!) solid, the story engaging, the main characters likeable, some of the conversation to be infused with great humor. It made me care.  * There were a couple of things that ended up being murky for me though. I never really understood the logic behind the consequence she would endure if she didn't succeed. It's not like she was the personification of "evil" in her first life, so why the harsh parameters? The ending itself, while emotionally fulfilling for me, left me a scratching my head a bit to get everything lined up in a way that completely made sense mentally / intellectually. * "In those moments after you open up, do you also take a step back?"

Starbound by J.L. Weil - I wanted a light YA read and this delivered that. Katia and Seth are destined to be together. Only problem? A curse has plagued their families for centuries set to keep them a part. * I didn't like the drunken kiss, mind erases, over-cursing (I don't find cursing to be offensive, but I think there's a tasteful balance), and the need for better editing. Though I knew how it would end, I was hoping for more details, a stronger climax. * Still, it kept my attention and ended up being fun entertainment. * "The smells of firewood and his skin and the sound of his laugh will be tattooed in my memory." 

And finished technically the first day of May, but started in April - Entangled by Nikki Jefford - Fun, fast-paced, solidly written (and edited) book. It's about twins who are having to time-share a body when one dies. Add in magic, good vs oh-so-bad, a little love, and tada. The only thing that wasn't clear to me was the last spell performed, but maybe that will be answered in the following book. I liked this one enough to purchase the sequel. * I will note (based on some other reviews), I don't think this book is meant to be carefully analyzed in a PC kind of way. It's light; it's just a couple of teenagers' inner workings mixed with para-magic. It's not a treatise on how to be a perfect politically correct non-offensive teen. But, you know, whatever. :D * "Foolishly, Raj had let down his guard and allowed himself to fall under the spell of a girl - the kind of spell any normal was in danger of tripping headfirst into."

In addition to the light YA, I read what can only be described as... smut?  Oooh lala.  They ranged from penthouse style (ie. edited fine, not written beauty, simply having a certain... uh... appeal) to literary nightmares that made 50 Shades seem like it had good editing (which is very, very sad).

No, I didn't only read about magic and sex since those things are quite obviously wicked (:D).  I also read a book of poetry called Come, Thief by Jane Hirshfield .  I discovered that I'm not a huge fan of most of her poems, but there were a couple that I absolutely adored, that wove themselves into me.  One was "When Your Life Looks Back" and included the lines: A few times, you stood on your head. / A few times, you chose not to be frightened. / A few times, you held another beyond any measure. / A few times, you found yourself held beyond any measure. // Mortal, your life will say, / as if tasting something delicious, as if in envy. / Your immortal life will say this, as it is leaving.
And finally, there were a couple of books that I read a reasonable amount before returning them to the library.  For example: Perfect Ruin by Lauren DeStefano had an interesting dystopian-type premise, but I just couldn't get into it.  It could have been other factors, but it ultimately seemed like the pacing was just too slow.  The Springsweet by Saundra Mitchell had lovely writing, but it was a historical romance type book and just not my style.  (I thought I would be able to get into it since it's set in the land of my heart, Oklahoma, but nope.) 

I love that I can read mainstream books still but also read more independently published authors now that I have a kindle. :)

how many books in one?

April has been a month of reeeaaaally deep cleaning.  It's felt good to move lots out of my house, to scoop the clutter right on out.  And, I discovered that I have TOO MANY BOOKS.  It doesn't seem like that should be possible.  I love books.  I value them.  I like how they feel in my hands, the romantic notion of them. 

However!  Even in the shelf in my master 1/2 bath, I have over 200 books.  I have tons more in my closet shelves.  And more in a couple of shelves in other areas.  And three large bins full of them that I moved to the back storage garage.  (I even had the several bags full that I gave away or sold in the last year because I knew they were ones I would never reread.)  Yikes.

Turns out I really hate (!) the dust that collects on them too.  I can't stand the thought of bringing in a lot more. 

And with that in mind, I went to the delicious dark side and bought myself a kindle paperwhite.

... And I completely love it.

feb & march books

This stretch has felt kind of busy, but I've managed to get in a little reading at least.

In February, I read Shadowfell by Juliet Marillier.  In it, Neryn is a teen who has seen and experienced a lot in a troubled world. With the guidance of the fae, she learns she has a significant role to play in the country's healing. Kind of epic journeying with self discovery and a touch of love. Maybe a bit more travel than I tend to like, but I still enjoyed the novel.  "We had hidden the pieces of our broken lives in our hearts and crept away."  I also read a book of poetry - American Primitive by Mary Oliver - and it was amazing.  It included pieces like: "we belong / to the moon and when the ponds / open, when the burning / begins the most / thoughtful among us dreams / of hurrying down / into the black petals, / into the fire, / into the night where time lies shattered, / into the body of another." (from "Blossom") and "Every year / everything / I have ever learned // in my lifetime / leads back to this: the fires / and the black river of loss / whose other side // is salvation, whose meaning / none of us will ever know. / To live in this world // you must be able / to do three things: to love what is mortal; / to hold it // against your bones knowing / your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, / to let it go." (from "In Blackwater Woods") 

In March, I read The Seer and The Sword by Victoria Hanley.  "For all my years, what have I learned? That there will always be enough killers. Leave the killing to them. Wherever you find something good, help it grow."  It's the story of princess Torina and prince-in-exile Landen, a seer's crystal, a magical sword, castle politics, acts of war, and growing love.  Much of this book is told rather than shown; knowing the thoughts of all characters leaves very little to the imagination; everything fits absolutely perfectly together all of the time (a character thinks about someone or a situation? Tada, then they / it materializes right there in that scene...).  Yet! It's kind of like someone sitting by a campfire telling a story. There's something charming in its simplicity and happily-ever-after.  Next up was Unite Me by Tahereh Mafi.  "There's something so personal about this journal; it looks as if it's been bound together by the loneliest feelings, the most vulnerable moments of one person's life."  It consisted of two novellas for her Shatter Me series (from the perspectives of Warner and Adam), plus Juliette's journal.  Interesting, though not as captivating as the main novels in the series.  "...and all the lifeboats are taken and all the life preservers are broken and I don't know how to swim I can't swim I can't swim and it's getting so hard."  And then, there's the conclusion of the series, Ignite Me by Tehereh Mafi.  Pretty much the story of Juliette claiming her strength, claiming her love, claiming her world. Though it's a story of a world at war and a group of friends trying to change the very fabric of how society has come to function, it's much more personal than that. I have to say, though I think Juliette came across as a little too megalomaniac-smug at times, and there's a teeny bit too much "blinking" happening, it was a beautifully written and overall very fulfilling conclusion to the series.  Passages I loved included: "My eyes are filling fast with tears and I blink and blink but the world is a mess and I want to laugh because all I can think is how horrible and beautiful it is, that our eyes blur the truth when we can't bear to see it." and "Swords may cut and kill, but words will stab and stay, burying themselves in our bones to become corpses we carry into the future, all the time digging and failing to rip their skeletons from our flesh." and "I'm beyond rational thought. Beyond words, beyond comprehensible ideas. Seconds are merging into minutes and hearts are collapsing and hands are grasping and I've tripped over a planet and I don't know anything anymore, I don't know anything because nothing will ever be able to compare to this."          

Otherwise for the last two months, there were a couple of books that I started and chose not to finish (The Book Thief by Markus Zusak and The Dark Mirror by Juliet Marillier).  There were also a small handful that I glanced through, reading bits and pieces: Death by Food Pyramid by Denise Minger, The Basics of Reiki by Penelope Quest, Calming Your Anxious Mind by Jeffery Brantley ("Be here for the beautiful music.  Be here for the wonderful sunset.  Be here for the warm touch of your loved one's hand.  Be here when the beauty graces your life.")      

january's reads

My January reading!

For fiction, I read two books.  The Arrivals by Melissa Marr was set in an alternate world full of creatures and demons, had a western vibe, and ended up being entertaining after a slow start.  I loved Marr's YA books, but have found her adult books to be average.  Heart's Blood by Juliet Marillier, on the other hand, was a five star book for me and had me absolutely glued to the pages.  Marillier has a beautiful writing style, is a fantastic storyteller, and had me completely pulled into this story of escape, courage, hope, family curses, and love.

I read three poetry books, all very, very enjoyable.  A Maze Me: Poems for Girls by Naomi Shihab Nye with lines such as "In your bones / in your memory / trust me // I'm tucked inside each fresh paper page / you'll write on. / Each hour you don't see me, I'm still there. / How many things add up the same? / Your life, my life, / the bucket, the sea."  Dream Work by Mary Oliver was stunningly moving, poems such as, "I wanted / the past to go away, I wanted / to leave it, like another country; I wanted / my life to close, and open / like a hinge, like a wing, like the part of the song / where it falls / down over the rocks: an explosion, a discovery;"  Finally, a compilation put together by Roger Housden called Risking Everything: 110 Poems of Love and Revelation.  The introduction states, "Yet it is precisely the crack in our lives that can let the light pour through." A really beautiful collection of poetry. I didn't love all of the poems, but I liked a majority, and truly deeply fell in love with a good number.  The collection featured some favorite poets like Mary Oliver, Rumi, and E.E. Cummings. Also, lines like these:  (p 10, from The Gate by Marie Howe) "This is what you have been waiting for, he used to say to me. / And I'd say, What? // And he'd say, This - holding up my cheese and mustard / sandwich. / And I'd say, What? // And he'd say, This, sort of looking around." (p 26, from Sunset by Rainer Maria Rilke) "one moment your life is a stone in you, and the next, a star."  (p 61, from To Have Without Holding by Marge Piercy) "Learning to love differently is hard, / love with the hands wide open, love / with the doors banging on their hinges, / the cupboard unlocked, the wind / roaring and whimpering in the rooms / rustling the sheets and snapping the blinds / that thwack like rubber bands / in an open palm."  And, (p 118, from Last Night, As I Was Sleeping by Antonio Machado) "Last night, as I was sleeping, / I dreamt - marvelous error! - / that I had a beehive / here inside my heart. / And the golden bees / were making white combs / and sweet honey / from my old failures."

I also did a quick read of Dave Ramsey's Complete Guide to Money, and though I don't always agree with his personal ideologies, I do find his actual money advice to be practical and useful.  Other books that I checked out from the library, but only did quick glance-throughs include: Little House in the Suburbs by Deanna Caswell, The Subtle Body Practice Manual by Cyndi Dale, Hands- On Healing Remedies by Stephanie Tourles.  (Of those, the only one I'd like to explore more deeply is the Hands-On Healing Remedies - yum and helpful herb-based recipes for balms / etc.)

All in all, a good month of reading. :) 

book review: love for the soul

In Spring 2013, I met someone on Facebook named Angel-Rose Coen.  Our interaction was limited to a handful of moments / mini-conversations.  It was ultimately decided that we were personally incompatible with our approach to friendship and communication.  There was no massive blow-up, no storm of an argument, no angry words exchanged.  She suggested we "disengage" so I wished her well and "unfriended" her.  These were literally my last words to her:

I value relationships full of love and support (it's vital), but my closest, long-term friends are ones where we can speak our personal truths openly even if we express a different view from the other. They bring me an emotional ease, but we do not always echo each other intellectually, spiritually, etc. It's a lesson that the Universe has given me in a way to accept my own Voice and light: be with people that let you be heard (and hear them too); be kind, but speak and share and be. So, I respectfully understand that we have different needs in friendship. Wishing you all the best!

During that time, she had been working on a book.  Even though we didn't ultimately mesh, we were in no way spiritually opposite.  I was looking forward to reading her book, contributing in a small way to its financial success, and hopefully gaining something important from it at a spiritual level.  

Fast forward.  I was a bit surprised that it was marketed as something revolutionary new ("Here, for the first time in human history, is a spiritual manual...")  Also?  It was mentioned in the pre-release reviews and author bios (and in the book itself, I later discovered) that: "Angel Rose's journey and uniquely clear Divine connection have been compared to that of Buddha, Jesus, and Martin Luther King Jr. while her life's work as an angel of hope on Earth is meant to spark the spiritual revolution of our time."  While there are indeed people who exhibit what is deemed Christ-consciousness, I've found it woven with a lot of humility and people don't tend to... advertise it.  Also, THE spiritual revolution of our time?  Pretty strong words. 

The book was released in December.  I put aside any reservations and went back to the place of excitement about seeing what it was all about.  I paid the higher-than-average $22 kindle price.  I went into it with an open mind and heart.  I had no ill-intentions toward the author.

The book is presented as a 26 week course.  It states that some people will choose to follow that, others will go faster, others slower.  I have enough discernment that I choose to read through such things first, then decide whether or not I want to incorporate the messages thoroughly by going back more slowly.  Even still, I didn't skim the book.  I read it carefully over the span of several days.

At one point during, Ry asked me how I liked it.  I told him that it wasn't really working for me, but that I hoped it would somehow pull itself up to a 4 or 5 star review in the end.  It didn't.

So I left a 3 star review.  I tried to be as polite as I could while still expressing my feelings and experiences of the book.  On December 16th, I posted this review to amazon:

 Love for the Soul by Angel-Rose Coen

This book is well intended. I can tell the author truly wants people to have a fulfilling path that's not plagued with hardships. Having said that, I think there are some points to know before reading.

1. I initially found it unclear (via the descriptions and early chapters) on how the book would go about healing. The book description states, "Here, for the first time in human history, is a spiritual manual beyond religion that infuses Divine magic and healing into every word..." So is it a book or is it more? More than absolutely any other book? Is it almost like distant healing is woven into the words? In chapter 21 of the book, the author says, "Q: Is this book, Love for the Soul, considered one of your healing modalities? A: Yes! But instead of my taking care of most of the details of the healing session as with many of my other modalities, Love for the Soul puts healing power into your own hands. (...) I do a full-service version of this book in a single two-hour session through my practice..." My conclusion is that it is indeed a book just like all self-help and spiritual manuals are books. They have magic in them (which could then be called a modality) because the authors were guided when writing them, and they can propel people toward change. This doesn't make it lesser, but it wasn't clear to me initially.

2. The topics explored in this book are not new. These are concepts that have been around for the ages, that modern spiritual movements have (re)grasped and produced a lot of books about in order to guide people. Not all concepts have to be new to be usefully presented and happily received of course. Sometimes one author's voice will speak and reach certain people better than others. If the reader is down and looking for a life-line, if they've never picked up much in the way of spiritual books before, etc, then these concepts may be fresh and awakening. If the reader isn't new to healing and reflection, they are going to be more like a reminder. We're talking about things like joyfulness, gratitude, oneness, manifestation, affirmations / letters with God.

3. The writing style is kind of meandering and wordy, with plenty of analogies and scattered contradictions. The chapters sometimes blur together because the topics can be so similar. (When you have distinct chapters on joyfulness, perspective, and optimism, well...) The author has underwent some intensive experiences in her life, but many of the personal examples in the book are very light (say, airport frustration). This writing style will likely work for some people and not others.

4. While it may not be intended, there is a touch of energy... elitism? Aside from God praising the author more than once (okay, so God is proud, I get it!), there were moments when I was surprised. When talking about the clairs, the author states that clear knowing is the highest and that's where she's at. I don't believe one type of God-connection is better than another. We all have unique personalities, comforts, preferences, gifts to share with the world after all. It is also stated, "When you hear loving or inspirational messages from another source, such as a friend, loved one, stranger, billboard sign, or anything else that strikes a chord with you, please remember sometimes he can't reach you directly due to blockages so sends messengers." I don't believe we can assume that someone is blocked simply because they receive those types of messages. Variety is exciting! It's being alive! It's being so tuned in that your spiritual perception is open even as you explore and live everyday human life! Also, I imagine not everyone wants an extra voice floating around. That's a choice, perhaps, but not so much a block from how I see it.

5. While there is no organized religion in this book, there are statements that have a strong religious flavor to them. There's a lot of talk about surrender and giving one's will over to God, for example. One instance of many: "It's (surrender) reclaiming God's help and giving Her authority to do just that. She knows what's best." (chapter 28)

None of the things I've mentioned above are negative if they resonate with the reader's perspective and approach to life. It didn't all resonate with me, but I appreciate the intention behind the book. There were parts that I quite enjoyed as a loving nudge and cocooned introspection, such as: "How can I live a more fully embraced existence?"  
   
So, not a raving-happy review, but not a DO NOT READ THIS BOOK one either.  Right?  Right??  Much to my surprise (and later, a combination of anger-amusement-hurt), the author and one of her followers/clients felt the need to respond directly via review comments.  Though it's uncommon for an author to do that, I would have been okay if she/they had focused specifically on my review, objectively disputing the points I went over.

Instead, they chose to make statements against my personal integrity.  The author questioned my ethics for writing a review when I blocked her from facebook.  Wait... What?  I am NOT okay with having my personal integrity questioned, nor by the questioning being wrapped in untruths and self-righteousness.  She wrote quite a bit, but also went so far as to say, "I believe in awareness, respect, and personal responsibility. If you're ready to find God's version of those things too, the book can lead you there."

::breath::

One of her followers / clients (who has received at least one private session with her, and they are priced at $1200 on her website) stated, "I'm very grateful that the author shed a little light on the authenticity of the person who wrote the first review." (And then proceeded with a few more paragraphs.)

::breath::

I tried to reply calmly.  For example:

By releasing something to the world, an author has to be open to the fact that it will be amazing to some people and not so much for others. My review here was given with objectivity and from a place of kindness. I believe others who are curious have a right to know WHY it works for some people and not for others.

Angel-Rose and I did indeed interact on facebook, but it was minimal and over a very short span of time. No, we didn't become BFFs, but I left her with positive words, not rudeness. If having any prior contact with the author means that someone is bias, then all other current reviews would fall under that as well. It's a self-published book so many of the initial purchasers will have had direct contact with Angel-Rose at some point.

I absolutely went into this book with an open mind and heart. I am actively spiritual, an energy healer, and a happy-to-be-alive person! I would not have invested the time and money to read the book otherwise. I had been looking forward to reading it from back when I first found out it was in the works. Though it didn't resonate for me, I still wish it great success. 

And now, here I am, a few days later, still eeehhhh at how they treated me.  It doesn't matter, not really.  It's not that I specifically want their acceptance, but it's nice to have a basic level of respect with any human interactions.     

A big part of me wants to leave my review on amazon up because: 1) I have a right to share my voice.  2) It was written from a place of authenticity, and I personally like reading pros & cons of things.  3) Other people should know how the author and her followers respond to anything they perceive as... questioning the author's god-connection?  She didn't paint herself prettily with her words to me.  I was reviewing the book; she was reviewing... me!     

Ultimately though, I'm thinking of removing it.  Honestly, not as a kindness to the author, but as a kindness to myself.  I don't want to be energetically tangled up with that bunch.  Leaving my review up, receiving more comments from zealot followers, does keep me connected in some way.

I'll say this though:


I don't want anything else to do with this author, and I'll certainly never read any future books that she writes.

Also?  Pretty sure I'd get along with Jesus or Buddha a whole lot better. :D